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RED FLAGS FOR POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS

15/2/2022

1 Comment

 
Freephone 24-hr National Abuse Helplines
USA: 800-832-1901 (The Network/La Red)
UK: 0808 2000 247 (Refuge)

The below resources have been compiled by Claire Louise Travers and The Network/La Red for Poly Pages to accompany a Poly Pages event. 
Abuse is a pattern of behaviour with the design, intent or consequence of making someone unable to leave a relationship/situation 

Partner Abuse is a systemic pattern of behaviours where one person non-consensually uses power to try to control the thoughts, beliefs, actions, body and/or spirit of a partner. This can happen in lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, polyamorous, SM/kink and straight communities. 
​
Partner may refer to a range of intimate relationships including but not limited to play partners, date, primary, secondary, spouse, sexual partners, boyfriend/girlfriend, boo, hookup, life partner or lover. 

Partner Abuse is also called domestic violence, battering, inimate partner abuse, and/or dating violence. 
Picture
  • Are you afraid of them?
  • Are you getting distant from friends or family because they make those relationships difficult?
  • Is your level of energy and motivation declining, or do you feel depressed?
  • Is your self-opinion declining, so that you are always fighting to be good enough and to prove yourself?
  • Do you find yourself constantly preoccupied with the relationship and how to fix it? Do you feel like you can’t do anything right?
  • Do you feel like the problems in your relationship are all your fault?
  • Do you repeatedly leave arguments feeling like you’ve been messed with but can’t figure out exactly why?
  • Is your (digital) privacy disrespected regularly?
  • Do you feel demeaned or humiliated?
  • Are you unable to conduct private conversations with your partner/metamour?
  • Do you feel pressured to have group sex to be part of your polycule?
  • Do you feel pressured to accept an open relationship?
  • Do you find yourself doubting your own grip on reality?
  • Do you feel unsure of your status in your relationship, and unsure when or if to expect support or harm?
  • Are you finding that the things your partner and your metamour say don't match up?
  • Does your partner/meta claim to be the only/best source of information about polyamory or kink?
see more about polyamorous abuse
1 Comment
C link
14/4/2022 06:52:33 pm

☆
Hi,

I am hurting a lot in my relation with my love interest. I judge them to be discovering more about their sexuality through me which is great just there are so many points of discontentment in the relationship. I struggle to communicate with them, I think this is largely due to their avoidance strategies.

I dont know if im actually the arsehole here- they said to me a long time ago that they are not ready for a close relationship that (i read ) matters deeply. They said they don't want to hurt me and also that they're terrified. Also where they are in their life feels like they're floating , things dont matter.

They are now where I was 2 years ago in terms of difficulties in the relationship with their mum. Commitments to them are a suffocating noose rather than a point of security (as they have in context come to mean for me )

Their mental health is maybe quite poor- i think this is a major thing for them and the way that they are coping is essentially manufactured dissociation.

I care about this person so much, I love them deeply.

It has come to a point where I feel as though i am giving more than receiving and need to think about my own wellbeing more than being their to protect theirs.

They are hot and cold, mixed messages. Sometimes distant sometimes loving. Mostly inconsistent and confused.

Any words or discussion about this would be appreciated,

Kindly,

Cas/ Porridge

☆

Reply



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  • ABOUT
    • MEET THE TEAM
    • HOW TO SUPPORT
  • WEBCASTS
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    • S2 - THE POLYAMORY BREAKUP BOOK
    • BONUS EPISODES
    • MEET THE HOSTS
    • FAQ FOR GUEST HOSTS