RED FLAGS FOR POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS

Freephone 24-hr National Abuse Helplines
USA: 800-832-1901 (The Network/La Red)
UK: 0808 2000 247 (Refuge)

The below resources have been compiled by Claire Louise Travers and The Network/La Red for Poly Pages to accompany a Poly Pages event. 

Abuse is a pattern of behaviour with the design, intent or consequence of making someone unable to leave a relationship/situation 

Partner Abuse is a systemic pattern of behaviours where one person non-consensually uses power to try to control the thoughts, beliefs, actions, body and/or spirit of a partner. This can happen in lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, polyamorous, SM/kink and straight communities. 
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Partner may refer to a range of intimate relationships including but not limited to play partners, date, primary, secondary, spouse, sexual partners, boyfriend/girlfriend, boo, hookup, life partner or lover. 

Partner Abuse is also called domestic violence, battering, inimate partner abuse, and/or dating violence. 

• Are you afraid of them?
  
• Are you getting distant from friends or family because they make those relationships difficult?
  
• Is your level of energy and motivation declining, or do you feel depressed?
  
• Is your self-opinion declining, so that you are always fighting to be good enough and to prove yourself?
  
• Do you find yourself constantly preoccupied with the relationship and how to fix it? Do you feel like you can’t do anything right?
  
• Do you feel like the problems in your relationship are all your fault?
  
• Do you repeatedly leave arguments feeling like you’ve been messed with but can’t figure out exactly why?
  
• Is your (digital) privacy disrespected regularly?

• Do you feel demeaned or humiliated?
  
• Are you unable to conduct private conversations with your partner/metamour?
  
• Do you feel pressured to have group sex to be part of your polycule?
  
• Do you feel pressured to accept an open relationship?
  
• Do you find yourself doubting your own grip on reality?
  
• Do you feel unsure of your status in your relationship, and unsure when or if to expect support or harm?
  
• Are you finding that the things your partner and your metamour say don't match up?
  
• Does your partner/meta claim to be the only/best source of information about polyamory or kink?

see more about polyamorous abuse